The Xubox ☺

Being with Helen just makes all my worries go away and she definitely made the last day of high school for me one of the best that I will probably remember forever. Even though I had a test in the morning and I had to help set up for the rally Helen was there to help support me when I needed it the most and made me so happy day just like every other day. After school we had to set up for the yearbook signing party which ended up turning out to be really lame because of how few people wet but it was still fun to sit with Babe and talk & sign other peoples yearbooks and get my yearbook signed. Afterward we went to go buy felt from Michael’s and went home to decorate my cap! We actually ended up falling asleep on the job a few minutes later but it was definitely worth it to spend the entire day with her a mix of productivity and cuteness this day post is dedicated to her thank you babe. June 1st 2012 yay!

So it’s 1am on the first of June, marking the last day of high school for me. I just finished my Leadership “essential questions” assignment and “studying” for my physics final that might not even impact my grade(fingers crossed)

Deciding not to sleep as soon as possible, I took out my yearbook and watched the supplement video and saw some pretty sincere interviews about what people will be missing about Homestead.

Throughout the day(mostly after I read through Ella’s yearbook) I started to realize what little of an impact I’ve had on Homestead. I’ve always told myself that what I do and who I interact with is completely acceptable, but now I feel as if I’ve lowered the standard too much.

Maybe it’s just this past week and the fact that high school is ending(and tensions always rise near the end of things) that’s making me think like this. But I honestly have some periods of time every few days where I’m just kind of unhappy. What’s wrong in my life? Nothing. Friends are still friends, my girlfriend still makes my heart skip a beat every time she comes to school wearing a pretty outfit, and the family life is same old same old, or in other words, GREAT(non-sarcastically!). 

So what’s wrong? Maybe it’s because I didn’t receive any kind of award or invitation at/to Senior Awards Night when I feel like I’ve contributed so much this year and at the very least did something in my past years, but what do I get out of it? Nothing. Maybe it’s because the only times I’m in the yearbook are the club photographs and the Leadership spread. I’ve done nothing of note and it hasn’t bothered anybody(especially me) so what could be the problem? Maybe it’s the fact that I feel entitled to something (just a teeny bit) more than what I’m getting. Where are my friends? People always say I have plenty but I talk to nobody. I chat with nobody. Literally not a single person “hits me up” and asks me what I’m doing for the night or the weekend. I don’t get invited to parties. I don’t hang out anymore. Nobody even asks for a prom picture. Maybe I’m in a comfort zone and I’ve started doing the cliche “pushing people away”. Not too sure. I waste my life away playing video games and watching mindless TV. I don’t do anything to help myself and nobody takes even a moment to care.

Obviously this is a temporary mood swing I’m having but I just thought I should get my thoughts into text so that maybe a year from now I can come across this and reflect. Anyway to relate this post back to the title, I guess I’ve come to the realization that even though I didn’t feel this way, I was invisible in high school. Even now. Senior class officer? People come to me with criticisms and questions. They come to me for advice and instruction. Nobody ever reaches out to Steven for a whimsical purpose, and I guess for that reason I’m sad. Do I do this to myself? Is there something wrong with me? Do I annoy? I’ll never know. I’ll probably never ask. 

I saw Mrs. Kaufman at Safeway and we had like a 30 minute conversation about life and updates for her about the people that she knew. She confirmed that all MV kids are grade grubbers and that we are, in fact, her favorite. She said she’ll be at our graduation next week so I look forward to that but what was really interesting was just catching up with her and through telling her about my year I’ve discovered that I really enjoyed it+high school in general. I’ll be sad when I leave this place. 

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I’m a gunman.

• Woke up early enough to shower on time but for some reason was still late in picking babe up -_- She was halfway to school by the time I pulled up. Dat Traffic.
• Lol I would’ve gotten an A on my Physics test if she hadn’t given me a 0 on the FRQ portion but instead I got like an 84%. LAME!
• Calc presentations = LOL I wrote a children’s book when half the class did research on unsolveable calculus problems. Well I’m an underachiever ._o
• Missed Jasmevanny’s senior project but I hope Schiltz will let me go tomorrow D:
• Lunch with bb. WE’RE SO EFFICIENT IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY. Me = walk relatively speedily to the student parking lot from Murray’s back door and then pick her up from the horseshoe. Despite the delay once we got to Ike’s horrid parking lot, we got in the long line and got our food ^__^. IT WAS HER FIRST TIME and we got suchhh goooodd sandwichesss BUT IT SO WASN’T WORTH THE $$$ QQQQQ but it’s okay because I think babe subsidized part of my Leninade cost possibly.(If so sorry! :P) and then we(I) drove back and we made it back on time yay
• Lit was hella chill, good Sr. projects to end the year with
• Leadership was chill we finished making posters and I think that the last legit thing we have to do is this rally.. then we’re done for good. wau.
• Got a drink with Kosi at MCD’s. Since he only paid $5 to Helen I made him buy me a large drink(only 1$!!) to compensate. So technically he still owes her $1 for the binding! But they can sort that out themselves.
• Sent my dad to go pick up the car from the Toyota Service place.
• In for a night of preparing my Leadership binder for scrutiny and potential LoL-ing.

woot. 

A day post. In bullet format.

• Woke up comfortably and told my mother that it was not in fact Monday like she believed.
• Got to Ceramics on time to see that there was a sub! Mrs. P or whatever.
• She was nice and let us go to the parking lot to put away our things. I finally took home my pieces from the entire year! Pictures shall be put up later. 
• Watched Jesse+Erik’s Senior Projects and it was quite fantastic. Raps and interviews and buffness. Captured their essence perfectly!
• Econ Final that I remembered I had in the last 5 minutes of lunch. Dunno how well I did but pretty confident I still have an A *fingers crossed*
• Leadership was quite interesting. A committee day in which not a single person worked for their committee. 
• Learned that I will not be receiving a single award at Senior Awards Night. Thankfully, I don’t have to be there for any kind of class office role so I’ll be sparing myself the shame and skipping the event.
• Drove my dad to San Jose to do something about the HOA check that was not received. 
• Picked up my mother from work as it was already 5 and Marvell was on the way back so we just stopped by. 
• What is homework.
• Getting our tests back in Physics tomorrow hope that 0 in the FRQ didn’t bring me down very much. A lot of people seem to be signing a poster made for Mrs. Fackrell but all I want to write on it is “You killed my curiosity in physics by treating me with indifferent and sarcastic cruelty” but I’ll save my bitterness and just daydream about me ranting to her about her.
• Hm. I’m graduating in a week.
• Still haven’t gotten my housing assignment from UW yet ._o
• And that has been my day.